Like a Red rag to a Bull

Luke opened another can of energy drink.  It was his third that morning and it wasn’t even 9 a.m.   He would routinely down can after can of that shit like it was about to be made illegal.  Which, if the rumours were to be believed, might not be too far from the truth.

The caffeine backlash had begun in earnest some months back and had quickly gained momentum, like a giant snowball made up of overly concerned parents and healthcare professionals looking to get their mugshots on TV.  Get a grip, thought Luke, it’s just a fucking stimulant.  He didn’t smoke or drink, yet everyone from his mother to his boss was all over him to quit the caffeine.  You drink endless cups of coffee but I can’t have my bit of harmless fun?  We’re just trading vices, after all.

Luke took a big swig then belched long and loud.  An old woman tutted disapprovingly as she walked past, but he just smirked.  His stomach growled a little.  It had been doing that a lot lately.  Fuck it, mused Luke, I’m just hungry.  He ignored the pain in his belly and quickened his pace.

The late nights were beginning to take their toll, judging by the ever-increasing circles around his eyes.  The sleepless nights were fuelled by endless worry about his long-term future, and he needed at least three energy hits in the morning just to function like a normal human being.

Luke drained his can and threw it into the nearest bin.  That was the last of his stash.  Better get another case from the store when I get my paper.   Luke suddenly felt like running, and sprinted along the street like an Olympian.  For nearly thirty seconds.  Then his heart skipped a beat and he quickly had to grab onto a lamp post to avoid crashing to the pavement.  Bent double, Luke gasped valiantly for breath and eventually calmed down.  If that’s what exercise does for you, you can keep it.

He gingerly made his way to the store.  His heart was pounding, his mind racing and the nervous tension in his stomach was getting worse.  Maybe he should just get a small case of energy drinks this time.

Inside the store, Luke made his way to the drinks aisle.  One the way, he picked up his usual red-top Sunday newspaper.  The headline instantly caught his eye: ENERGY DRINKS PROVEN TO CAUSE MASSIVE HEALTH RISKS – TO BE RECALLED IMMEDIATELY.

Luke slowly digested the information, then looked up at the drinks cabinet and found it half empty, devoid of his favourite drinks.

Looks like the party’s over, thought Luke, and picked up a six-pack of Coke instead.