Making Yourself Heard

I once read somewhere that in a survey of people's fears, the fear of public speaking came higher than the fear of dying.  Which, loosely translated, means that at a funeral, most people would rather be in the coffin than delivering the eulogy.

I can relate to that.  I spent most of my 37 years on this rock actively trying to AVOID public speaking.

And then I became a stand-up comedian.  Probably the worst job in the world for somebody who hates speaking in front of people (not that it is a job - yet).  Not only do you have to talk to strangers (something my mother told me never to do, although I was only five at the time) but you actually have to make them laugh.

This is my worst nightmare.  So why do stand-up then, as more than one person has asked me since I started telling jokes.  Well, two reasons.  One, because you should always try to face your fears, whatever they are.  And two, because I love comedy and have wanted to do this for many years, I just lacked the courage to do it.

I learned the hard way that avoiding risk leads to an unfulfilled life.  I was stuck in rut, miserable, depressed and without hope.  And then I took the biggest risk of my life: I quit my job, sold my house, got rid of nearly all my possessions and travelled around Australasia on my own for three months.  Best thing I ever did.  While I was in Queenstown, NZ - the extreme sports capital of the world, mind you - I bungee jumped 47 metres off a bridge towards an icy river.  Second best thing I ever did.  And when I came home again, I was a different person.  A better person.

But I still hadn't conquered all my fears.  When the opportunity came along to try radio presenting, I shied away and stayed behind the scenes as a producer.  When the opportunity came along to join a comedy workshop which concluded in performing a five-minute set, I turned it down.  Everything that I desperately wanted to try, I was turning down because I was too scared of failure.

Then one day, I just said 'fuck it, it's time to give it a go'.  I wrote enough material to feel confident about, and despite being overcome with terrible nerves backstage, I did it.  And then I did it again.  Last night I did it for a third time.  I still get nervous, but I also enjoy being up there in the moment.

Last week I spent two and a half days on a training course for a job I never got (long story, don't get me started...) and most of it consisted of getting up and talking about myself, selling myself, etc.  It was still terribly difficult to do, even after performing stand-up twice, and I hated every minute of it.

I just hope it gets easier over time, and that the nerves will eventually diminish, if not disappear altogether.  Because if I'm still as nervous on my 50th gig as I was on my first, it's time to do something else.

And I have no bloody idea what that might be...